Christmas. It’s the most wonderful time of the year… right? For most people, it is! However, for individuals with an eating disorder, it is anything but.
Growing up, Christmas was always one holiday that I dreaded. It’s all about food you see – my family would all come together, and you were expected to eat your body weight’s worth of food. Little did my family know, for many of these Christmases I was trying very hard to keep my active eating disorder under wraps. I would make sure that I was the last person to get my food, I would try to look for ways to get rid of my food where I could, I would spread my food around my plate to make it look like I had eaten more food than what I actually had, and I would purposely deny myself the wonderful dessert that I so badly wanted but told myself I couldn’t have.
To paint a specific picture of what this was like, I’d like to talk about my aunt’s chocolate pudding. Every year, my aunt made the most delicious-looking and rich chocolate pudding. The pudding smelt wonderful, and every year everyone would always rave about how good the pudding was. Yet every year, I would politely decline the pudding, even though I really wanted some.
But my eating disorder wouldn’t let that happen. I would always tell myself, “Maybe next year… I finally won’t have to worry about what I eat. Maybe then I’ll be able to try the pudding and see what the fuss is about”. What I didn’t know was by the time I finally took control back from my eating disorder, it was too late. My auntie had passed away by that time, and I never got to taste that pudding.
For years afterwards, I wished that I had just listened to my body and done what I wanted, rather than letting my eating disorder control my life. You see, my eating disorder didn’t just rob me of the opportunity to enjoy the food I wanted to have, it stopped me from connecting with my family members and making memories.
Thankfully, I’m now at a place where I can enjoy Christmas and not worry about what I can and can’t eat. Let me tell you – I never thought that this would be possible, but here I am. So, if you’re reading this and are worried about Christmas this year, just know that you don’t have to live this way.
There is so much more to life than worrying about food and eating. It might not seem like it now, but I promise that you don’t have to live like this forever. If you feel like its time to finally take your life back from your eating disorder, contact one of our friendly Client Care Coordinators today on 07 3161 0845.
Recovery is possible and achievable – all it takes is having the courage to decide that you deserve more than your eating disorder. Trust me, from someone who has gone through an eating disorder and come out the other side, it will change your life.
– submitted anonymously.